It’s been a time for firsts.
We planned to be back in the UK at this time first and foremost because there was a very special family wedding happening.
This was the first of our four adult children (two each) to get married. The moment Phil saw his ‘little girl’ Rachel now all grown up into a beautiful young woman in her wedding dress was not the first time he’d cried but was probably the first time so many tears flowed in such a short space of time!
This was the first time TUT, our campervan, had been used as a wedding car. It’s named TUT for ‘Travelling Universally Together’. How apt as Rachel and her husband Sam start on their own journey of life together.
This was the first Jewish wedding I’d ever been to. Rachel and Sam have chosen to follow an orthodox Jewish path and so there were many aspects of the celebrations that were new to me.
This was the first time I’d seen so many young people all sharing a common passion for upholding the faith and traditions of Judaism. Rachel and Sam are spiritual leaders and educators in a youth organisation and role models to many young people trying to find their own path in what can be a tough world. Through their work, young people have a safe place to explore the foundations of their faith and choose the path that’s right for them. At the end of the evening, everyone sat around in a big circle on the floor, with the wedding party sat on chairs, and it was moving to look around at a sea of young people – the next generation responsible for continuing the faith.
This was the first time Rachel hadn’t been subjected to my questions on the why’s, what’s and how’s of Judaism as I find it enlightening to understand another person’s spiritual perspective. She’s always so patient and explains things simply and non-judgmentally, but as this was her wedding day, I thought I’d save my questions for another time!
This was the first time I’d seen hours of non-stop, high-energy dancing. As it was an orthodox wedding, the men and women danced on different sides of the room with a divider between them. This didn’t stop it being full of life and fun with a fantastic band belting out songs that everyone sang along to. Have you ever seen the bride and groom hoisted onto chairs held up by their friends and being bounced up and down? The groom being thrown up and down on a big white sheet by all the men – like the bumpsies you did on your birthday as a child? The dancing is in big circles and the bride calls different people into the middle to dance. When it was our turn, my daughters and I danced round and round and then staggered off the dance floor so dizzy we could hardly stand up.
The evening after the wedding, we went to the first of the Seven Days of Feasting. During the seven days after the wedding, the bride and groom are not allowed to go to work. They don’t go on honeymoon straight away and instead meet up for dinner for the next seven nights with people who either didn’t go to the wedding or weren’t able to chat together on the big day. After a death in the family, there is also a similar period of seven days with no work and meeting up with people each evening – in that case to share prayers and offer condolences. The thinking behind both is that when you experience such a big life change, you need time to adjust. Staying in your home, away from work, but remaining within your familiar friends, family and spiritual community keeps you grounded and means that not everything changes all at the same time. It’s a bit like pressing a pause button and gives you the time to just be in your new circumstance before life starts to move again.
Poignantly, it was the first time Phil and I had been able to meet up with his extended family for a happy occasion, as in the last two years, he has lost both parents. They would have been proud as punch to be there. Phil’s mum’s maiden name was ‘First’which was anglicised from the original ‘Firestein’. I love that name! It conjures up a beautiful picture in my mind of fire and light, and with that, I’ll finish with this thought:
“….it is up to you to illumine the earth. You do not have to groan over everything the world lacks; you are there to bring it what it needs…. There, where reign hatred, malice, and discord you will put love, pardon, and peace. For lying, you will bring Truth; for despair, hope; for doubt, faith; where there is sadness, you will give joy. If you are in the smallest degree the servant of God, all these virtues of light you will carry with you.
Do not be frightened by a mission so vast! It is not really you who are charged with the fulfilment of it. You are only the torchbearer. The fire, even if it burns within you, is never lit by you. It uses you as it uses the oil of the lamp. You hold it, feed it, carry it around; but it is the fire that works, that gives light to the world, and to yourself at the same time…
Do not be the clogged lantern that chokes and smothers the light; the lamp, timid, or ashamed, hidden under a bushel; flame up and shine before men; lift high the fire of God.”
-Philippe Vernier